Composer, singer, songwriter, and poet Matthew Niblock likely can’t wait
for Gregg Araki’s Smiley Face to come out.
a guide for
“you have the deepest, blackest eyes I have ever seen”
—montgomery to dark, maybe, from *nowhere*—gregg
new lenses have recently been developed
that allow the cinematographer to shoot
from the irises. this creates a unique point
of view, especially during sequences when
your characters are weeping. advise your
actors not to blink.
you must fade to black for any reason, do
so quickly. do not dissolve. do not cut to.
recommend that lili taylor be cast in all
essential roles. this will guarantee your
credibility. if ms. taylor is not available,
consider indonesian shadow puppetry.
homoeroticism is encouraged.
not, under any circumstances,
attempt comedy. kevin smith has
already done it better than you
ever will. the occasional laugh line
to underscore violence is OK, but
only if you are prepared to provide
flash cards to the festival audience.
chances are good that they will
mistake your attempt at levity
for an intermission.
another note on the special lenses:
they can and will cause your actors
tremendous discomfort. be sure that
your production staff are on hand
with cocktails and aspirin. obviously,
this caveat does not apply to
indonesian shadow puppets.
both lili taylor and the appropriate
indonesian shadow puppets are
unavailable, do not attempt animation
as a substitute. not only will this not
work, but it may land you a job at
disney, and there where would you be?
the grip is your friend.
one last note on the lenses:
we suggest that you study the
films of akira kurosawa and
roger corman. this will provide
you a proper perspective and make
you wonder exactly why the hell you
thought you could pull this off in
the first place, wacky *POV* innovations
notwithstanding. remember: just because
you think you see it does not necessarily
mean it’s there.
gregg araki—thank you